Fragments #9 – I am a BIG deal
In the last couple of months i’ve been trying to define US many and many times.
It was such a chaos.
We kept crossing a thin line between right and wrong. Gosh, it was a ridicously thin line.
I was getting mad.
I fought hard for what i believe, i fought my fights.
I knew that i was right but now, somehow, all my self confidence is gone.
Last night i spent few hours sitting on the floor, hiding in full darkness with both hands on my head.
I was trying to squeeze out a solution or at least a definition of the problem.
I ‘ve tried to talk to her. At some point all i wanted was her to help us.
i was absolutely unable to find a solution so i wanted her to find a way out for us. Or a way forward.
She kept saying that “it wasn’t a big deal”. She was repeating it like a single statement song.
That shit makes me wanna blow my head off.
How can i trust someone that keeps underestimating me all the time?
How can i want to spend my time with her?
How can i love such a person?
I started to feel used but it was still painfull.
I couldn’t let her realize how wrong she was.
“It wasn’t a big deal”
But i am.